Tara's struggle to say Goodbye
by samantha.rhoades.37
Summary: Its a one shot A/U that has some events that has happened in real life. Just something I wanted to get off my chest and out there.


ONE SHOT...

Tara's struggle to say Goodbye!

It was a hot brisk day. Jax was in the house playing with the boys. Tara had been busy around the house all day and had finally made her way outside. She was pulling weeds and cleaning up the garden. It was getting late and Tara needed to go pick up her Ellie who she had adopted from work. Tara ran into the house and washed up. She grabs her purse and keys and phone and kisses Jax and tells him she will be back in 20 minutes. The house phone rings. It was Tara's step sister Liza and Tara yells back at Jax telling him she will call her from the cell. She was in a hurry to pick Ellie up.

Just as Tara reaches her car in the garage her cell rings. Its LIza her step sister. Tara answered while in the garage of her home.

"Hey Liza was about to call you back."

"He is dead." LIza cries out.

"What?" Tara freezes I can't hear you. Tara walks out onto the front lawn to get better receiption

"They killed him! He is Dead! He is gone!" Liza blurts out.

"Who?" Tara asks confussed as her knees start going weak. She knew the answer, she had felt it in the wind earlier that something was coming.

"Dad, Tara your Dad! He killed him! Liza blurts out again inbetween sobs.

Tara throws the phone as hard as she could and falls to her knees screaming NOOOOOOOO! Jax comes running outside to find out whats going on. He see's Tara on her knees in the front yard pleading to God not to let it be true. Jax picks up the phone and asks Liza what the hell is going on. Liza tells him the same thing. Jax runs over to Tara and tries to comfort her. Tara pushes him away stands up and gathers the boys in the car. She had to get to her family. She had to get to her step mother. As Tara loaded the family in the car in a calm eerie state she remembers ELie and runs and grabs her up.

She don't know how she made the 30 minute drive or who actually drove. She saw her self driving but she was in such a haze she dont know how she drove. Tara could hear the noises from all around, she could feel the steering wheel in her hand but all she could think. Bad dreams, false reporting. something. Upon reaching her step mom Angies home she ran in.

"Mom, I am here. I am here. THis is just a bad dream. Its a misunderstanding." Tara said over and over. "Its just a bad dream. Its a misunderstanding." Tara loved her step mom with all her heart. She never knew her real mom and since Tara was 18, Angie had been apart of her life. The reason her dad got sober and became this amazing husband and father. She had his heart and mine too. a

Tara was crazied with grief and disbelievment. How and when and where was her dad. She needed answers. She was a grown woman who needed answers. While everyone was standing around crying, bewildered Tara got into her vechile and drove. She didn't know where she was going but she drove. Tara had been driving for hours when she came across the scene. There is was dad's bike on the ground and a truck on its side. She could see the scene unfold like a movie that played. She felt like she was having a out of body experience.

She watched as her father drove his motorcycle straight and true heading home. She watched as a pickup entered the intersection and did not come to a complete stop. She watched as he turned in front of her father. Tara tried screaming "STOP." "NO" but it continued to happen. 7 of Tara's longest secondest of her life she sat there and watched as her father came haulting to his death because someone turned with out clearance. She watched as his body and bike hit the truck so hard it knocked it on the ground. She watched as his lifeless body bounces of the truck and onto the hard cold heartless road. She watched and there was nothing!

"Tara." A voice called out to her.

"Dad." She called back.

"I believe in you, you are strong and brave and my daughter. I am proud of you." The voice was becoming more distant.

"Dad don't go!" Tara screamed into the night. "Daddy come back." But there was nothing but darkness. She was alone in the darkness. Even though she was surrounded by people she was alone. 

Tara blinked and she was awake. She had fallen asleep. For a few brief moments she thought everything was a dream. She woke up to the hustle and bustle of what the day meant. She would see her father laying in a casket and say goodbye to him one last time. A lone tear fell down her face. She would let that one tear fall but she would not allow another to fall in front of everyone. She was strong and would show everyone just how strong. Tara walked into the funeral home first and alone to have her private good byes. Luckly when she walked into the room and saw her fathers body laying in the casket her legs lept out from her. Fortuantly a nomad Timmy stood close by and caught her fall. Tara thanked him and made her way up to the casket.

"Dad, I know I have not been the easiest daughter in the world. I am sorry that I am so stubborn, hard headed, loud, adventerous child. I need you to come back Dad. I am not ready to loose you" Tara cried out but no tears came down her check. Noise came from the distance and Tara got her composure back. She did what she could to keep herself together. She played hostess to everyone who came to say their goodbyes. Her father was very loved and it showed at the end, that no matter your past mistakes or what mistakes you make in the future its how much love you have and have shown that truely counts in the end. The speakers spoke, they songs were song and in a blink of an eye Tara was standing in a cemetary surrounded by all that she loved. Wondering how is this possible, this is still a bad dream. The preacher made his last prayer and we turned to walk away. How could I Tara thought.

Months after saying goodbye to her father, Tara sat in court listening to the man who turned her inside out and destroyed a piece of her stood in front of her saying. " I am sorry I didn't see him. I am sorry. I only saw him when he was down on the ground hitting my truck. I just didn't see him." He kept saying like saying it a millions times was going to change the fact. Fathers day was still going to be empty for Tara. Christmas and other holidays a lonely chair will build dust.

The man was sentenced but with only a 1k fine, 29 days in jail and 1 year probation. That is all that her father was worth. That is all. That is all, she kept saying to herself. How can she go to her fathers grave and tell him that this man got a slap on the wrist for his death. How could she go to his grave when even months after the accident she wanted to continue to pretend it was fake, it was all a night mare. How can she face him when she was his tough one and she cried behind closed doors when she thought she was alone. How could she go to his grave and tell him all this.

Jax walked up to her and brought her out of her thoughts and said" He will get his." Tara knew he meant what he said but still did not change any of the facts. The man would pay for upsetting Tara and Jax and everyone else knew it!. Jax could make her feel his love but something was missing.

Yes she had the love of her life, wonderful children a home and much more. But she was missing something every little girl needed. Her Daddy!

 _I know this is short and to the point but it was something I need to get off my chest. and before anyone asks yes this is based on true events! Some things where changed to fit the SOA charchters._


End file.
